This might be a long one guys, BUT IT'S GOOD!
Are we obsessed with pretending to be ok when we're not?
I think so.
Don't take this as facts as I'm only sharing my opinion based off of observation. This is the gospel according to Ana Gibson.
Lately, I've been doing some thinking. It dawned on me, seeing the many celebrity deaths and the fact that mental health is so serious and how stress and depression, anxiety, and paranoia is regularly plaguing our society, I can't help but to think that, in some parts, I feel that there is a subconscious obsession with the need of having it all together even if we don't.
I fall into the same trap sometimes too, unfortunately. Let me explain.
Take for instance, Instagram and Facebook. It's a world full of "Life is Good," "I ain't worried bout nuthin," "#relationshipgoals," feeding into our desire of having it all together. There's a silent obsession with the need to try and keep up with the fantasy, the ideals, and the pressure that the fictional world around us creates in our head. I at least know for the Western World, we're pressured into believing things that equates to what a good and admirable life should look like. It's like a voice that's silently loud and repeatedly plays on a loud speaker everywhere you go and nags you about having it all and being it all before you hit a certain age. It says you must have this, that, and the other. You've got to do this. You've got to do that. No exceptions. Anything less than is weak, lazy, and your fault. Set deadlines to achieve immeasurable amounts of goals you have and if you don't reach them, something is wrong with you. And Lord, don't be 25 without a degree, a 4 bedroom home, 2 and a half babies, 2 cars, a six figure income and the president of some sort of society in order to be exceptional. Or something like you've got to be a millionaire before you hit 30 and by 40 you better be retired. Eat this, drink that, get skinny but still have curves. etc. I mean the list goes on. YOU OUGHT TO. WHY AREN'T YOU. YOU SHOULD. YOU CAN'T. YOU MUST. It's confusing.
The scary part about all of that is we drink it in as wisdom and knowledge, without ever stopping to consider the fact that we each have our own race to run. We're obsessed with what this invisible societal book says and then wonder why we feel so down and out, stressed, paranoid, like a failure, depressed, and one the verge of losing our minds. And sometimes it's hard to talk about it to anyone. I get it because on the flip side, we've created a narrative that our lives are nothing but pure bliss and then when things actually do start crumbling before us, we don't want to be honest about it out of fear of being looked at as a liar, fake, or simply afraid that no one is going to care enough to hold our hands through the dark and daunting moments. When we express what's really happening, sometimes...SOMETIMES, we get brushed off for our feelings. Called crazy, attention seeking and the like, which is also another reason for our obsession of pretending, so that we don't appear broken to anyone. The whole reason why I put the Apple picture above. It's two fold. We stand before ourselves and say, "I'm ok." But behind that smile, behind that reflection is a sad soul hurting because of that obsessed need.
Let's talk about this stressed and worn out thing too. For example, my husband. Sorry honey, I have to use you for a second.
See, he has a high demanding job. He works for the U.S. Government and unfortunately his job requires him to basically be Superman which ticks me off so bad, but I digress. The downfall of it is, if he wants to continue to work there, he's gotta meet those demands or else...he'll be jobless. I mean he's the only breadwinner of the house right now....UNTIL I GET THAT BIG FAT CHECK OFF OF GUIDE ME HOME. YEAH BABYYYY!!!
But anyway, he comes home TIRED, WORN, STRESSED and feeling like he's going to lose himself, if he hasn't already. He has to go in everyday, wearing the mask that he's OK and that he's got everything under control, but who's really falling apart? HE IS. It's not like he can go in there and say F off to any of them. It'd sure be nice though.
I also have a best friend who've expressed her frustration of being tired and overwhelmed; from taking care of people for 12 hours a day on her job to then having to go home and do the same exact thing in her personal life. There's NO time for her, WHY? Expectations of the world that she's gotta be the perfect Superwoman with little room for time and attention to herself.
And this is where the subconscious obsession comes into play. Because of these demands that we've allowed to infiltrate who we really are and what our real limits are, we never mind those limits and become obsessed with pleasing the outside world to make it look like we've got it all together. Like we CAN DO IT. Sometimes, we don't need to always take Nike's advice and JUST DO IT. Maybe we need to be more like Burger King and have it our way and be like a Laz-E-Boy. Ha! Did you peep that? LOL. Many of us are a, "Yes ma'am. Yes Sir" type of people. We aim to please, we aim to get recognized. We aim to be one of the "good and hard working ones" in order to actually mean something to someone when really it's doing more damage to our physical hearts, our physical bodies and our spirit and emotions. It's causing us to lose a sense of who we are and what we're created to be. It's causing a ripple effect in every other aspect of our lives, like when it comes to our gifts and talents. We try to do what others are doing in order to keep up. We try to take unrealistic approaches and sometimes even do an entire shift away from what we're actually supposed to be doing because that other grass looks greener and gives the idea that it'll be better for us. THE TRICK OF THE ENEMY.
I know for me, my obsession came after I had Grayson. I tried to compare myself with other more famous and well known celebrities who had babies and then jumped right back into doing what they do. And I wanted to be just like that. I wanted to say, I can do and have it all, when reality is, little Ana needed ALL the time she could get with her newborn baby and not focus on anything other than him. I felt the pressure of not being able to constantly be there emotionally and physically for my husband after having my baby because playing in the back of my head was, "oh you better give that man some or someone else will. You better cook for him and still take care of that baby, or someone else will. You better, you better, you better, or someone else will." Y'all, let me tell you, don't nobody talk about that part of married life, especially once having a baby. Nobody tells you that things become more difficult and more uncomfortable. Nobody tells you that you may possibly go weeks without ever touching one another and I don't mean the postpartum 6 weeks window. NO. I mean weeks, sometimes months because the body is still trying to adjust back to being normal like pre-baby. Then you got squirting milk boobs getting in the way (gosh it was so much)...but i'm not going to put it all out there. That's a whole other post for later. But the fact is, I subconsciously created an obsession to try and act accordingly because of what the world was saying I BETTER BE DOING or else. Thank God for a strong, self-disciplined, and patient husband. I've got a real one, y'all. He stuck by me for real.
If you remember my last post about forgiveness, just consider this part 2 in a way; The obsession with trying to meet expectations of oneself or of those put on you. It's draining as hell. You know what's even more sad? That most of this is self-inflicted. That's right. I said what I said. I've heard people, especially my age group, say they're so depressed and anxious because they're not where they want to be or don't have what they think they should already have because of their age. This false narrative of having things/goals by a certain time is what's killing us everyday and we need to stop that. STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH HAVING IT ALL.
SAY IT OUT LOUD! STOP. BEING. OBSESSED. WITH. TRYING. TO. HAVE. AND. DO. IT. ALL. You are killing yourself. We are hurting ourselves. We are damaging the inner body and spirit by forcing these stipulations upon ourselves. It's not a healthy obsession.
There was a point in time where I had to simply tell myself to stop stressing over the fact that i'm not a world known or even a nationwide professional singer. See, my idea and everyone else's idea of me too, was that I should have already been there by now, but the truth is, maybe it wasn't the route for me in my 20s. There were things I needed to work on or perhaps a different route is supposed to be taken with that. Now, with much clarity on it, I am at so much peace with not being a big star. I used to obsess about that thing. You have no idea. But now i'm like pfft. Whatever. It'll happen if it's supposed to. If not, it's not like I never used my gift. But any who, that obsession was real to the point I was getting worried and anxious about never seeing that dream come true, which in turn, inflicted unnecessary depression and an identity of failure.
Had I not intentionally started the journey of finding myself, I'd probably still be stuck on the Why ain't I there, questions. That needed to stop.
So my question is to you. What are you obsessing about and why? What purpose is it serving? What happens if you don't meet all of your requirements? What's simply going to happen to you? It doesn't make you any less than your counterparts. It doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't make you a phony or lazy or weak or non ambitious (is that even a word? non ambitious). I believe the only obsession we should have in life is our need for God and the need to live our true authentic selves. Letting go of the expectations will free us from self-inflicted depression, stress, paranoia and the like.
It's ok to not be ok. It's ok if you need a break. It's ok if you need someone to talk to. It's ok that you didn't meet certain goals. It's simply OK. Don't obsess over the idea of what your life should look like by now. Don't stress yourself out over jobs and people who don't give two rats asses about you. You only have one life and if you live it obsessing over the wrong things, you aren't really living.
A part of discovering yourself is accepting yourself, accepting your flaws, accepting the good qualities, accepting the season you are in and being content in this stage until you move on to the next one. Don't let things or situations, rules or regulations deter you from holding on to yourself because YOU are all that you have.
I leave this last bit of advice to you. Take care of you first. I you're not good, nobody else can be good by you either. You matter. Treat yourself that way. Love you guys.
Until next time!
Don't forget to subscribe to this blog.
www.anagibson.net
The scary part about all of that is we drink it in as wisdom and knowledge, without ever stopping to consider the fact that we each have our own race to run. We're obsessed with what this invisible societal book says and then wonder why we feel so down and out, stressed, paranoid, like a failure, depressed, and one the verge of losing our minds. And sometimes it's hard to talk about it to anyone. I get it because on the flip side, we've created a narrative that our lives are nothing but pure bliss and then when things actually do start crumbling before us, we don't want to be honest about it out of fear of being looked at as a liar, fake, or simply afraid that no one is going to care enough to hold our hands through the dark and daunting moments. When we express what's really happening, sometimes...SOMETIMES, we get brushed off for our feelings. Called crazy, attention seeking and the like, which is also another reason for our obsession of pretending, so that we don't appear broken to anyone. The whole reason why I put the Apple picture above. It's two fold. We stand before ourselves and say, "I'm ok." But behind that smile, behind that reflection is a sad soul hurting because of that obsessed need.
Let's talk about this stressed and worn out thing too. For example, my husband. Sorry honey, I have to use you for a second.
See, he has a high demanding job. He works for the U.S. Government and unfortunately his job requires him to basically be Superman which ticks me off so bad, but I digress. The downfall of it is, if he wants to continue to work there, he's gotta meet those demands or else...he'll be jobless. I mean he's the only breadwinner of the house right now....UNTIL I GET THAT BIG FAT CHECK OFF OF GUIDE ME HOME. YEAH BABYYYY!!!
But anyway, he comes home TIRED, WORN, STRESSED and feeling like he's going to lose himself, if he hasn't already. He has to go in everyday, wearing the mask that he's OK and that he's got everything under control, but who's really falling apart? HE IS. It's not like he can go in there and say F off to any of them. It'd sure be nice though.
I also have a best friend who've expressed her frustration of being tired and overwhelmed; from taking care of people for 12 hours a day on her job to then having to go home and do the same exact thing in her personal life. There's NO time for her, WHY? Expectations of the world that she's gotta be the perfect Superwoman with little room for time and attention to herself.
And this is where the subconscious obsession comes into play. Because of these demands that we've allowed to infiltrate who we really are and what our real limits are, we never mind those limits and become obsessed with pleasing the outside world to make it look like we've got it all together. Like we CAN DO IT. Sometimes, we don't need to always take Nike's advice and JUST DO IT. Maybe we need to be more like Burger King and have it our way and be like a Laz-E-Boy. Ha! Did you peep that? LOL. Many of us are a, "Yes ma'am. Yes Sir" type of people. We aim to please, we aim to get recognized. We aim to be one of the "good and hard working ones" in order to actually mean something to someone when really it's doing more damage to our physical hearts, our physical bodies and our spirit and emotions. It's causing us to lose a sense of who we are and what we're created to be. It's causing a ripple effect in every other aspect of our lives, like when it comes to our gifts and talents. We try to do what others are doing in order to keep up. We try to take unrealistic approaches and sometimes even do an entire shift away from what we're actually supposed to be doing because that other grass looks greener and gives the idea that it'll be better for us. THE TRICK OF THE ENEMY.
I know for me, my obsession came after I had Grayson. I tried to compare myself with other more famous and well known celebrities who had babies and then jumped right back into doing what they do. And I wanted to be just like that. I wanted to say, I can do and have it all, when reality is, little Ana needed ALL the time she could get with her newborn baby and not focus on anything other than him. I felt the pressure of not being able to constantly be there emotionally and physically for my husband after having my baby because playing in the back of my head was, "oh you better give that man some or someone else will. You better cook for him and still take care of that baby, or someone else will. You better, you better, you better, or someone else will." Y'all, let me tell you, don't nobody talk about that part of married life, especially once having a baby. Nobody tells you that things become more difficult and more uncomfortable. Nobody tells you that you may possibly go weeks without ever touching one another and I don't mean the postpartum 6 weeks window. NO. I mean weeks, sometimes months because the body is still trying to adjust back to being normal like pre-baby. Then you got squirting milk boobs getting in the way (gosh it was so much)...but i'm not going to put it all out there. That's a whole other post for later. But the fact is, I subconsciously created an obsession to try and act accordingly because of what the world was saying I BETTER BE DOING or else. Thank God for a strong, self-disciplined, and patient husband. I've got a real one, y'all. He stuck by me for real.
If you remember my last post about forgiveness, just consider this part 2 in a way; The obsession with trying to meet expectations of oneself or of those put on you. It's draining as hell. You know what's even more sad? That most of this is self-inflicted. That's right. I said what I said. I've heard people, especially my age group, say they're so depressed and anxious because they're not where they want to be or don't have what they think they should already have because of their age. This false narrative of having things/goals by a certain time is what's killing us everyday and we need to stop that. STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH HAVING IT ALL.
SAY IT OUT LOUD! STOP. BEING. OBSESSED. WITH. TRYING. TO. HAVE. AND. DO. IT. ALL. You are killing yourself. We are hurting ourselves. We are damaging the inner body and spirit by forcing these stipulations upon ourselves. It's not a healthy obsession.
There was a point in time where I had to simply tell myself to stop stressing over the fact that i'm not a world known or even a nationwide professional singer. See, my idea and everyone else's idea of me too, was that I should have already been there by now, but the truth is, maybe it wasn't the route for me in my 20s. There were things I needed to work on or perhaps a different route is supposed to be taken with that. Now, with much clarity on it, I am at so much peace with not being a big star. I used to obsess about that thing. You have no idea. But now i'm like pfft. Whatever. It'll happen if it's supposed to. If not, it's not like I never used my gift. But any who, that obsession was real to the point I was getting worried and anxious about never seeing that dream come true, which in turn, inflicted unnecessary depression and an identity of failure.
Had I not intentionally started the journey of finding myself, I'd probably still be stuck on the Why ain't I there, questions. That needed to stop.
So my question is to you. What are you obsessing about and why? What purpose is it serving? What happens if you don't meet all of your requirements? What's simply going to happen to you? It doesn't make you any less than your counterparts. It doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't make you a phony or lazy or weak or non ambitious (is that even a word? non ambitious). I believe the only obsession we should have in life is our need for God and the need to live our true authentic selves. Letting go of the expectations will free us from self-inflicted depression, stress, paranoia and the like.
It's ok to not be ok. It's ok if you need a break. It's ok if you need someone to talk to. It's ok that you didn't meet certain goals. It's simply OK. Don't obsess over the idea of what your life should look like by now. Don't stress yourself out over jobs and people who don't give two rats asses about you. You only have one life and if you live it obsessing over the wrong things, you aren't really living.
A part of discovering yourself is accepting yourself, accepting your flaws, accepting the good qualities, accepting the season you are in and being content in this stage until you move on to the next one. Don't let things or situations, rules or regulations deter you from holding on to yourself because YOU are all that you have.
I leave this last bit of advice to you. Take care of you first. I you're not good, nobody else can be good by you either. You matter. Treat yourself that way. Love you guys.
Until next time!
Don't forget to subscribe to this blog.
www.anagibson.net
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/officialanagibson/
Twitter: @Anamariegibson
Wow, i am amazed again with your beautiful words as always.
ReplyDeleteI must say i was as everybody obsessed to be anything except myself, living in order to the society and other people.
I had to get at the age of 50 to realise that it was not my life i was living, but that i was lived..
Lucky you realised it much sooner Ana.
The year from 49 to 50 years, i asked myself many times is this what i want from live, do i want to get old like this, living this life.
And the further the yea rpassed, the more i realized that this was not my live that i led, but that i lived to please others.
I then made a decision witch (I) felt good about, and i am happy that i made that decision, even though i had to dissapoint another person.
Ever since i lead a live that makes me happy.
Wow. That is so awesome. One thing I admire about many people in their 40s and 50s is that they somehow reach that I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF ME. Attitude. It's like all cares go out the window, which is a good thing. I'm learning daily to always try and be myself and not worry about what the next man is doing. try not to compare myself and to be careful when setting goals that have unrealistic timeframes. It's not always an easy thing to do, but I try when i'm aware of it. so glad my words have blessed you. :)
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