Hello Me! (A Self-Discovery Segment)

Who Do You Think You Are?

I wrote this quote because I was talking to a young friend of mine one evening and out of nowhere, I began to ask her random questions about herself. I wanted to know what her thoughts were. I wanted to know her views, why she does the things she does, why she thinks the way she thinks. And after talking to her for a while, I came to realize that many of us don’t know who we really are outside of what our life events and loved one's voices has said we are.

I want to first say, if you're the kind of person that has had nothing but positivity in your life from friends and family and you bask in that identity, that is so awesome. You’ve probably found yourself and this post probably isn't for you. However, for those of us who are just now journeying to find a sense of self after so long of being told what to be, how to act, what to do, and all the other societal standards, this post is for you.

HOW YOU DOIN?? HEY GIRL HEY (Or BOY)! 

AS MY SON WOULD SAY, "HI ME."

WELCOME! Get a mirror and sit down and read this thing.

What I love about finding ourselves is that WE have never really gone anywhere, it's just that throughout life, the choices we've been given doesn't really match up with who God really purposed us to be. We have restrictions on our personalities. We're not often encouraged to say the things that are really on our heart out of fear of being looked at crazy and thrown in the outcast pile. Do we really even know the things we like and don't like? For me, I don't like Chipotle while everyone else says, "Chipotle is my life." Although since they had that health issue, I haven't heard many people vouch for Chipotle anymore. I don't like all kinds of music. I stick to my three; RnB, a little gospel, and soul. I don't like Tattoos that much. Nothing wrong with them, they're just not for me. And I don't like children that much. 

*GASP* What? You don't like children? Nah, not like that. However, I LOVE MINE and will hurt any and everyone if they ever try to cause any harm to my son. BE'LEEE DAT. 

But when it comes to other peoples kids, well I mean, I'm not gonna gush and go all wild when I see them. Never been the "omg, I love children." type. EH EH. Not me.  BUT I do like Peas. I love nature except for the creepy crawlies. I feel like God really could've left those up there with him, ya know what I mean? And you know what else is cool? I love the smell of cigarette smoke and gasoline. Weird. Yes. I know. Moving on, we've been told what we ought to look like, how to behave, sit down and 'eat the societal cake anna mae' and if you've got something to say that don't match up with the rest of us, you're getting kicked out. Point. Blank. Period. We've been shaped and molded into everything else that seems "right" or "acceptable" but who were we made to be? Who is that person? 

I know for me, I didn't really start looking for "Ana" until almost a year ago. WHAT I THOUGHT was me actually wasn't. At least some of it. My initial thoughts were based on the things that have happened to me, the events that went on, the people I associated myself with and the whole nine, but when I started feeling unsatisfied, when I felt like a big piece of me was missing, it was then I knew that I could finally face the fact that I had NO CLUE who I was outside of my reflection in other peoples mirrors, like my accomplishments and accolades and praises, the peer influences,  possibly even my downfalls and hurts. And so, I took some time last summer to intently search inward and see what I could find. I started reading about how to really discover who I am, how I can see myself the way God sees me, how to shake off all of the wrong things that I tried to identify myself with and remove all of that gunk and replace it with first, the knowledge of God and his intent for my life.

It was not an overnight thing, as I am still learning myself. I’m still hungry to see all of who I am, but at the same time, it's a great starting point. Fast forward to October 2017, I was writing my novel, Guide Me Home. There is a scene where my main character, Devin is having a moment of self-realization. It was a healing point that began to turn his life around. He said, "So when he asks me, Who am I, while I still don't know the full answer, I can say now that I am Devin. I am everything that God is—strong, powerful, dedicated, faithful, loving, amongst many other things. I figure this is the perfect place to start—to know who He is so that I can begin to know who I am." 

And that is so true. Who knew that I was actually writing myself through him, eh? I have been a lot of things, but I never knew that I could be exactly who God is and how he created me. For example, I just learned that I possess a bit of a healing spirit (God is a healer isn't he? #WINNING). I'm confident, I'm bold. I'm brave. These are most definitely traits of our creator. The point it, when we find Him, we find ourselves. 

Fast forward a little further into April of this year. That revelation became even more clear to me as I had a moment of reflection like I always do. I was sitting, talking to myself about me feeling like I wasn't doing enough for God to love me (and those feelings are shaped based on how organized religion and it’s followers of it, plant in your head about how you ought to connect with God- like rules and regulations and stuff- and the Lord stopped me and said, "No matter what you do, I am always going to love you, even with whatever effort you put in to getting to know me more. I accept that effort and I work with it."

To me that said, I accept you as you are because I know this won’t always be. As you keep making effort, I’m using it, meeting you where you are and helping you to grow in it. That was humbling. Thinking about it now got me a lil teary eyed (tissue please). But anyhow, that's apart of learning who we are...accepting ourselves as we are at the moment. Relishing in God's whole and true love for us. Peeling away the stigmas and labels and perceptions of others about us and who we ought to be and clothing ourselves in the reality that we are more than just a profession. We are more than just someone’s friend. We are more than a relative. We are more than our circumstances and situations and we are more than our traumas. Down to our very core, we are actually somebody and it's important we dig deep in finding out who we've been all along.

I find myself asking this question a lot now. Who am I? Like Devin, while I still don't know every detail, what I can say is deep down, I've been feeling like there is a pure and honest, loving woman who loves to smile, laugh, hug and be extremely goofy no matter the occasion. I feel there is a woman who longs to love her husband so intensely and passionately without any bars held because all of what she's felt as a child in regards to love is washed away and she can use that Freedom to exercise the wholesome love we both deserve. I feel there is a woman who is actually really funny and bubbly and walks with her head held high; her life an example of what positivity and love and light looks like. I feel there is a woman who accepts her flaws and uses them to her advantages and helps heal other people through her words and truths. I feel that woman in there every day, just like pregnancy. She's growing. She's being nurtured. She's being fed the truth about herself. She's being protected and soon, I'll give birth to her. 

Ooo, maybe we should start throwing showers for ourselves. "The Self-Discovery Shower." What would that even look like?

But anyway, each day, I try to be as intentional as I can possibly be with listening to that inner voice, guiding me and helping me to shake loose what isn't me and begin to embrace what was there from the beginning. 

So I ask you, who do you think you are? Put it in the comments. I want to see.

I hope that as you go through your own journey of becoming aware of whom and WHOSE you are for real, that you will realize that you've been there all along. It's just a matter of moving aside what ISN’T you to get to the real you. You ARE Fearfully and Wonderfully made in his image.

Happy journeying guys!

Guide Me Home, the novel will be released this October. Stay connected for more updates.

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Instagram: @Officialanagibson

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Twitter: @Anamariegibson

*Disclaimer* I am in no way a subject matter expert in regards to anything I blog about. Such content is strictly based on experience and inspiration with key references made where appropriate. The purpose of my blogs are to simply be transparent, to inspire and to help bring a level of awareness to oneself as we journey through this thing called life.