See Me

This line from my book, Guide me Home, actually comes from a scene where my character Devin takes a hard blow to the gut concerning his daughter. The hit is so hard, it nearly cripples him in many facets. Faith is the sub protagonist who is also Devin's love interest. The reason she says this is because as she's witnessing him in a moment of frailty i.e.  depressed, angry, fed up, frustrated, etc., instead of writing him off as just another guy who can't control his emotions or simply just being stand-offish, she took it a step further, reflecting on why he's responding the way that he is. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos, it dawns on her that she's had the great privilege of using her innate ability to see past what he was going through so that her own response would be different towards him.

I like this quote because to me it shows how mercy and intimacy work together. Devin needed more than sympathy for his misfortune. What he really needed was for someone to meet him where he was in that very moment and to allow him to undress from the "emotionless armor" that he had been wearing for far too long and be able to grieve how he needs to--whatever that looks like.

This quote is even personal to me as God has been placing "hurt" folks along my path throughout life to show me how to have a heart more like Him, which means meeting people where they are and having empathy for them when they're going through. (I didn't get it right all the time, but that's neither here nor there). Nevertheless, recently I've finally accepted the fact that I am attracted to people who have some form of hurt because my belonging in their lives serves an even greater purpose for the both of us. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy enough to go and try to help everybody, that's foolish. I know my limits and I know who really wants what I have to give.  I come across people who are specifically emotionally damaged in some way or another and it's always interesting to me how quickly they're able to open up and let their heart out. I don't take it lightly, for I know that it is most definitely a privilege to even have that kind of interaction with people who are afraid of being "seen." It's not easy showing yourself in a world where emotions, especially not so pretty ones, are frowned upon. Like men crying...why is that such a bad thing? But I digress.

For Devin, at one point, he would have NEVER told anyone about his life. He would have NEVER gotten involved with Faith. He would have never had the chance to begin the healing process had he not took the chance and let her into his deepest and most darkest place. And I won't say that she was 100% perfect with it, but she got it right enough for him to go all the way in with her and that speaks volumes, even in real life.

But you say, that's all good and well for fictional characters, but how does that apply to me? How'd they even get to that point anyway, cause truth is, I don't trust anybody to be that open. I've been hurt too many times.

Well, it took time. They got there because of how she made him comfortable enough and safe enough for him to ever even feel that he could expose that dark side of himself. It wasn't easy for him to do as all he's ever known was neglect and abandonment. All he's ever known was people making light of his feelings and accusing him of having the character of an emotionally unstable being when it was far from the truth. But Faith didn't see any of that in him. While yes, he was broken, hurt, and rightfully angry at the world around him, still, she gave him a sense of safety and belonging so that he could unveil his issues and began searching inward for a better version of himself. That's how it works.

I want you to think about a time or times in your life where you were at your deepest, darkest point, feeling like no one understood you, or that no one cared about you or had the courage to step in and say, "I gotchu. You're safe here with me." It felt good didn't it? I remember at one of my dark moments, I credit that kind of safety to my husband because he saw me in my mess and brokenness and didn't judge me even though he could have very easily done so and thrown me away. 

And so what I love about this is that we too can see people the same way that Faith saw Devin. For him, regardless of what he faced, she pushed aside her flesh, she pushed aside the naysayers, she pushed aside what seems "logical and right" in the mind of an unforgiving and ruthless society and put on the glasses of love, of mercy, of compassion and empathy AND SHE SAW HIM. My husband saw me. Your friend, or your parents, your significant other, or whoever saw you and loved you and made you feel safe. That's worth more than gold. It's almost rare to find that kind of mercy and intimacy these days when every man is out here for themselves.

Nevertheless, my point is that all of us wish to BE SEEN beneath the smile, beneath the attitudes, beneath all of the labels that have been carelessly stapled to us and it really does require listening to people with our heart and gut. How do we see them? By talking to them, by listening, by being transparent about yourself, by setting yourself apart from the rest of the world and intentionally hearing what they're NOT saying. You want people to see you as you are, right? So we have to extend the same grace to those who are looking but afraid to ask of it. Their cries come in many sounds and behaviors, just like Devin's did. And even though his and Faiths relationship wasn't perfect, they still understood one another because they SAW EACH OTHER.

If you feel like you want people to trust you more or see you as a safe haven, ask yourself, do I make people feel safe? Do I make people feel like they can trust me with their life? Have I proven to them that I get their underlying issue and want to help where I can? This is a good place to start. When you have someone coming to you like this, remember how you would want someone to make you feel. It's not a right but a privilege to see someone in all of their brokenness and for them to trust you enough to not exploit it and do them wrong like everyone else. This is not to say, "I'm going to fix you." But to simply say, let me help you while you navigate your healing. Let me lead you to the one that can make you whole.

Highlighted in pink, she says, "I see his soul." To me, that's the deepest you can get with somebody because you see all of them. Pay attention. It's through their non-verbal queues, their actions, their eye contact, their hesitations, etc., where they're asking you to simply, "See Me." It takes work, but if they trust you enough, it'll happen.

 

Guide Me Home is set to be released October 2018. Stay connected by signing up and following me on social media.

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