Breaking Habits

Giving up is so easy, especially when you've never had anyone or developed any reason to help keep you motivated.

Last year, during the beginning of my self-discovery, I did a few self-help exercises to figure out things about myself. Even though a lot of them were positive, I also had to address the negatives--one of them being the lack of discipline. I forget exactly how I got to that particular exercise but the thing was, I discovered that I have a problem with it. I have a problem with being consistent, persistent, and dedicated to things that are actually GOOD for me and to me.

I noticed that my habits were always a stop and go situation and rarely did I ever complete a thing before moving on to something else. Like exercising, or eating right, reading my bible more, or any ole thing that I really wanted to set my mind to and execute, I'd start and then stop. Start and Stop. The cycle continued. I took a moment to write down where the root of this issue came from and what I found to be true was a little disheartening but it made sense. Most of my bad habits came from what I saw others around me do; from growing up until now--I didn't have really good examples to show me what good discipline and dedication looked like.

When I wrote down all these scenarios of the things i've seen from others, the running theme of those who fell flat with their discipline, I too, picked up on. I developed a habit of not being disciplined, not cultivating my visions enough, complaining, and expecting things to work out how I think they should, and if it doesn't, to just stop and give up. I wasn't taught consistency, taking ownership, and commitment even when I don't feel like it anymore. I was never taught self love in a sense that I must take care of myself and my dreams and treat them like it matters. It was always, "You can do anything," but never, "let me help you reach that dream. Let me show you what dedication looks like." It was an every man for themselves type of mindset.

Please make no mistake though, I understand now that as an adult, I have to make up in my own mind what i'm going to do and how bad I want it, however, the truth still holds--What you're taught is what you end up doing.

Why am I talking about this today? Well, for many reasons. 1. is because that was something I needed to recognize so that I can confront it and change up the script. 2. Because I really want to be successful with the things that I do and the only way to do that is to get up off my ass and work hard at it each day. And 3. I know what giving up feels like so i'm trying to see what persistence can do.

This is how I found out that I'm not a slave to my lack thereof. Check this out. Ahem!!

Since working on Guide Me Home, I have had to hunker down on my ability to be disciplined and consistent if I want this thing to be as big as I dream it to be. That means, I have to walk into territories unknown to me, uncomfortable to me, and straight up hard, because i've never done it before. I've had to push past my doubts, my fears, my laziness and everything else that's there to see me fail and develop a special determination about myself in order for it to be something great. I'm STILL learning to do that. There have been days where I was just like, "no, I'm gonna just let it do what it do and hope for the best," but you know what, I've done that before and that approach has NEVER yielded to me any kind of success at all. I have to be intentional about EVERY move I make so that I will get the best results.

Writing a book is hard in and of itself. Anything that we want to accomplish is going to be hard. There are hurtles and humps you have to climb over. You get over them, only to run into even bigger humps, but the thing is, you don't stop because it's bigger. You figure out a way to get over it and keep going. KNEES TO CHEST! Hike those legs up, people.

Anything we do will cost us--time, money, energy, late nights, etc but the reward is great when you keep the end goal in mind. Listen, it took 30 years for me to develop the bad habit. It may take me another 30 to get it all the way right (I sure hope not. That would be insane). Nevertheless, making up in my mind that I really can do this even if it scares me is what's going to lend me over to the life and dream i've always had. I've got so many plans for Guide Me Home, it's not even funny, but i've got to do my part in order to make it happen. The best part about it all is that I surrendered myself to God, petitioning for his help in all that I do. I had an epiphany a long time ago about the strong will of the human being. It occurred to me that it doesn't matter how much we try to stay strong willed, we are still very limited and weak (fall to temptation at anytime) people. And what I have found to be true is that when we are serious about a thing and truly put our hearts into it, we understand that HELP--REAL HELP is needed in order for us to remain on course and so my will power alone is never strong enough for me to succeed at anything, but my leaning on the strength and power of God and the people who can help, is what helps me complete a thing.

And so I encourage all of you to make up in your mind that you will learn how to become disciplined and committed to what you want to do in life. Figure out your root cause for the reason why you keep stopping. Write it out so that you can see it. You don't have to share it with anyone, but it's to just make you aware of where it came from and then do something about it. Solicit the help of God because he's willing and able to do what you cannot. And then work at that thing like your life depends on it.

This time around, try to see what that dedication can do for you instead.

Be blessed y'all.

Ana

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